1. The Mitchell Report is due out sometime over the next few weeks. I'm confident it will include David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Curt Schilling and Theo Epstein. Actually, I'm terrified of it. My worst fear as a Yankee fan is that A-Rod is on it and that we just committed $300 million for a decade of pimping the next Barry Bonds. Think people hate the Yankees now? Just wait.
2. Eli Manning is the Charlie Brown of football. Everything he tries goes wrong for him and he just walks away with his head down, his shoulders sagged, and that "Oh gosh, not again" look on his face. I'm tired of defending him. He's not good. Maybe one day he'll surprise us all but right now he is not a very good quarterback. That team is 9-4 with Charlie at the helm. With Brady or Peyton in there, they'd be even better. It's a credit to the Giants that they can succeed with such a mediocre quarterback.
By the way, I love the Citizen Watch commercial that proclaims "Eli Manning is unstoppable!" Really? Is he? He's more like unstartable. Aren't watches supposed to actually work? Buying a watch from Eli Manning is like buying a dog from Michael Vick.
Too soon? Anyway, it segways perfectly into...
3. Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison today, just in time for the Falcons to play on Monday Night Football. Im sure Tirico and Jaworski and Kornheiser and Guest will spend the better part of the night discussing this story. I would be happier, though, if they didn't say a thing about it but just had with them in the booth one of the dogs that was rescued from Vick's estate. It would be best if they could find one with a cute name like Spot who would just curl up on Kornheiser's lap for four hours and look adorable on camera. I'm dead serious. Anyone who wants to argue about Vick's prison sentence, take a look at this little puppy before you open your mouth. This would speak louder than anything they could say on the subject.
4. The Patriots cruised to a win over the Steelers yesterday in a game that featured my second favorite play of all time behind the Music City Miracle. Here it is: http://youtube.com/watch?v=evTTzPcZFU0
Next week, the Patriots play the Jets. I'm expecting the point spread to be wider than Eric Mangini's waist. The Patriots crush everyone they have any reason to dislike and they HATE Mangini. The game will only be foreplay to the real show: the Belichick-Mangini post-game greeting. I expect the dour Belichick to laugh in Mangini's face at the concept that the Pats needed to cheat to beat the Jets.
5. I watched the Patriots-Steelers game yesterday at a bar in DC and couldn't help but notice a certain phenomenon among Cowboys' fans. Why do Cowboy fans find it necessary to wear cowboy hats when rooting for their team? Would this work for any other franchise? You don't see Yankee fans dressing up like Uncle Sam. You don't see Utah Jazz fans dragging saxophones to the bar. Devils fans don't carry pitchforks. It's kind of ridiculous if you think about it. They should probably stop.
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