Who's the Manning?

Hi, I’m Peyton Manning and I have erectile dysfunction. Thus begins the Viagra ad Peyton will be appearing in during Sunday’s highly touted Colts-Pats game. Seriously, do you think Peyton has ever turned down a commercial? Do you think he ever said “No. I’ve never bought a car from Eastern Motors and my job is not my credit credit?”¹ At what point does it become ridiculous that he’s on television more during games in which the Colts aren’t playing? If I’m flipping through the channels one day and I see him on I Love the 80’s arguing with Dustin Diamond over which fraggle would have been better in bed, I swear I’ll never watch a football game again. All the NFL needs to do is shoot one commercial with Peyton Manning downing Lipitor and driving a Chevy and just play it on loop nonstop throughout the whole season. That’s what Sundays have become.

It’s hard to say anything about Sunday’s game without feeling like I’m repeating everything that has already been said. This has the potential to be one of the most important games in NFL history, the kind of thing they’ll play over and over on ESPN Classic for years to come – probably with Peyton pimping flying cars during the commercial breaks. There’s something for everyone here. Colts vs. Patriots. Dungy vs. Belichick. Harrison vs. Moss. Bridget vs. Gisele. But, most importantly, Manning vs. Brady. I might catch heat for saying this – that is, if anyone actually reads this – but I believe this to be the best quarterback match up of all time. There are guys in sports who are born to be natural rivals: the best athletes on the best teams who compete time and time again in big games (think Larry and Magic). Brady vs. Manning is the definitive rivalry of our time.

So let’s get down to it. Manning or Brady? Anyone who has watched any Colts or Pats games with me in the last five years (probably only my roommate Andrew) knows how I feel about this one. It’s Manning. Just kidding, Drew. It’s Brady! I’d take Brady over Manning any day for the same reason I’d take Jeter over A-Rod. There are players who have that natural ability to come up big every single time, who were born to play in the clutch and who seem to dominate big games as if they knew the script beforehand and were only playing along (actually if the spy allegations are true, this could very well be the case). Tom Brady is one of these players.

Peyton Manning is the best regular season quarterback in the history of the NFL. Better than Marino, Marc. Better than Elway, Jason. He’s a stat-machine and now with a ring to back up the numbers, Manning’s place in history is assured. By the time he retires, he’ll own every career passing record in the books. But he’s not a big game quarterback. He won one Super Bowl while playing on a Colts team that was probably the best team in the league for years before they finally won it all. It started in Tennessee, when the Vols had to wait until he left to win a national championship. Then big playoff losses to the Titans (19-16 in 1999), the Dolphins (23-17 in 2000), the Jets (41-0 in 2002), the Pats (24-14 in 2003 and 20-3 in 2005) and the Steelers (21-18 in 2006) cemented his legacy as a choke artist. He finally won a ring, sure, but I’d bet dollars to dunkin doughnuts that Dungy’s boys would have won at least two or three during that time with another young quarterback in the pocket: Tom Brady.

Coming out of Manning’s conference, Brady won three rings with an inferior offense. He didn’t have Edge or Addai in the backfield and he didn’t have Marvin Harrison to throw to. But somehow, he got it done (Vinatieri didn’t hurt). When I was growing up, all of the top quarterbacks – Aikman, Young, Favre, Elway, Marino – lived in the shadow of Joe Montana and his four Super Bowl championships. They would never have the same clout because they couldn’t top Joe Cool – or Bradshaw for that matter, who also had four rings but wasn’t as hot a commodity in the early 90’s. Here’s the thing: Montana got rings three and four after the age of 32. Brady just turned thirty and is already sitting on three rings. And he’s in the prime of his career. And he’s playing on maybe the best team of all time. It is flatly impossible to predict how many championships a player will win but the odds are certainly against Brady never winning another Super Bowl. Unless some linebacker gets fed up with Belichick running up the score and decides to end Brady’s career, we can expect the kid from Michigan to at least tie Montana and Bradshaw for the most Super Bowl wins of all time and probably even eclipse them. And as for Sunday’s game, it’s a big one, which means Brady will soar and Manning will fall and the Pats’ magical season will continue.

In five or six or seven years when these two quarterbacks retire, Tom Brady will hold the QB record for the most Super Bowl wins. Peyton Manning will hold the record for the most Super Bowl commercials. And when the ’07-’08 Patriots reunite in 25 years to celebrate their undefeated season, you can count on Peyton to do the ad for the commemorative DVD’s.

_{1. This is a popular commercial in Washington. It runs four times per minute.}